It goes on

2008 comes to its end. I am here without being able to get away with all the pains and regrets that it has marked on me. They are deeply here and strangely don't go away along with this year. There is no other solution than to just embrace them hoping that time will cure and that I will get over. That my forgetful memory will bury them. That miracles will happen. And... that I will grow. I do hope I will grow out of this painful maturity process.

2009 is around the corner. But I am not sure whether I am happily welcoming it as everyone wishes me. It's rather a feeling of fear. Fear of not being able to fill the empty spaces that many receive with big hopes. Fear of filling them with the same and/or different wrong colors and patterns. But even with cautious and thoughtful attitudes, I know I will fill them with whatevers, whenevers , wherevers and howevers. There is no rationality in passions, explorations and emotions. Life has been always like that. It never waits for my rational decisions and always lures me with new universes and new encounters.

Those whatevers, whenevers, wherevers and howevers may work out just fine. Or they may end up in desasters. Thankfully, not every thing needs to be fixed. I have learned to grow out of my imperfections. This is the reason why life is beautiful. It does not judge over what I have done but over what I have become into. So, my new year’s resolution is not about what, when, where or how. It’s about becoming more me, trying not to be regarded as whoever to you, to them and mostly, to myself.