Out of sight, out of mind

It didn't work with me.
And I don't know it will ever work.

Everything still seems so real and so latent.
Everything seems a nightmare where I am still hoping to wake up one day
and say everything is fine.

When I saw the old couple at the restroom of the JFK airport,
I realized that everything I thought was noble was a fake,
a lie by which I was totally fooled.

When I saw the love of God manifested in their pains and sufferings,
I saw His holy glory and His goodness.
When I saw God's presence in the hands of the husband
helping his wife on the wheelchair,
my soul was placed in guilt and despair.

I burst into tears and cried for His redemption and healing.
I am still begging for His redemption and healing.

내 안에 여전히 흐르는 당신에게

우리 영혼이 흐르던 강물은 이젠 나뉜다

고통스러워 요동치는 두 갈래이나

하늘이 닫은 문을 누가 열 수 있으리요

저쪽으로 흘러가는 네 모습은 서서히 멀어져가고 

찢어진 내 삶에는 절망이 머문다

언젠간 그 바다에서 다시 만나리라 소망하면서 

사랑하는 만큼 너를 축복하고 싶다

네 곁에는 넓고 푸른 숲이 무성하여라

생명이 샘솟고 영혼이 씻기는 목마른 자들의 쉼터가 되어라 

하나님의 복이 흐르는 기쁨의 강물이 되어라

아직 내 안에 흐르는 건 우리가 함께한 영혼의 강

그 바다에서 다시 하나될 때 기쁨으로 널 알아보리라

그의 생각

하나님은 너를 만드신 분
너를 가장 많이 알고 계시며
하나님은 너를 만드신 분
너를 가장 깊이 이해하신단다
하나님은 너를 지키시는 분
너를 절대 포기하지 않으며
하나님은 너를 지키시는 분
너를 쉬지 않고 지켜보신단다

그의 생각 셀 수 없고 그의 자비 무궁하며
그의 성실 날마다 새롭고 그의 사랑 끝이 없단다

하나님은 너를 원하시는 분
이 세상 그 무엇 그 누구보다
하나님은 너를 원하시는 분
너와 같이 있고 싶어하신단다
하나님은 너를 인도하는 분
광야에서도 폭풍 중에도
하나님은 너를 인도하는 분
푸른 초장으로 인도하신단다

그의 생각 셀 수 없고 그의 자비 무궁하며
그의 성실 날마다 새롭고 그의 사랑 끝이 없단다

비 시원하게 온다

절망하고 있는 아브라함에게 하늘을 보라고 하신 하나님.
그 말씀은 하나님의 비전, 복의 약속이었다.

이번 주 간절히 기도한 소망.

나에게도 하늘을 보라고 하셨다.
시원하게 쏟아지는 비, 모든 것을 씻어내리는 비.
아, 반갑다.


빈들에 마른풀같이 시들은 나의 영혼 주님의 허락한 성령 간절히 기다리네

반가운 빗소리 들려 산천이 춤을 추네 봄비로 내리는 성령 내게도 주옵소서

철따라 우로를 내려 초목이 무성하네 갈급한 내심령 위에 성령을 부으소서

참되신 사랑의 언약 어길 수 있사오랴 오늘에 흡족한 은혜 주실줄 믿습니다

가물어 메마른 땅에 단비를 내리시듯 성령의 단비를 부어 새생명 주옵소서

You raise me up

When I am down and oh my soul so weary

When troubles come and my heart burdened be

Then I am still and wait here in the silence

Until You come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up

so I can stand on mountains

You raise me up

to walk on stormy seas

I am strong when I am on your shoulders

You raise me up to more than I can be

내 영혼 지치고 피곤할 때에

근심 걱정 내 맘 짖누를 때

난 잠잠히 주님을 기다리네

주님 내 곁에 오실 때까지

주 날 위해 저 산 위에 세우네

거친 바다 위 걷게 하시네

주만 의지할 때 강함 주시네

크신 능력 내게 부어주시네

나는 그 사람이 아프다

지금 생각해도 가슴 떨려
수줍게 넌 내게 고백했지

내리는 벚꽃 지나 겨울이 올때까지
언제나 너와 같이 있고 싶어

아마 비오던 여름날 밤이었을 거야
추워 입술이 파랗게 질린 나, 그리고 그대
내 손을 잡으며 입술을 맞추고
떨리던 나를 꼭 안아주던 그대

이제 와 솔직히 입맞춤보다 더
떨리던 나를 안아주던 그대의 품이 더 좋았어

내가 어떻게 해야 그대를 잊을 수 있을까

우리 헤어지게 된 날부터
내가 여기 살았었고,
그대가 내게 살았었던 날들

나 솔직히 무섭다
그대 없는 생활 어떻게 버틸지
함께한 시간이 많아서였을까
생각할 수록 자꾸만 미안했던 일이 떠올라

나 솔직히 무섭다
어제처럼 그대 있을 것만 같은데
하루에도 몇번 그대 닮은 뒷모습에
가슴 주저앉는 이런 나를 어떻게 해야 하니

그댄 다 잊었겠지
내 귓가를 속삭이면서 사랑한다던 고백
그댄 알고 있을까
내가 얼마나 사랑했는지
또 얼마를 그리워해야 그댈 잊을 수 있을지

난 그대가 아프다
언제나 말없이 환히 웃던 모습
못난 내 성격에 너무도 착했던 그대를 만난 건
정말이지 행운이었다 생각해
난 그대가 아프다
여리고 순해서 눈물도 많았었지

이렇게 힘든데, 이별을 말한 내가 이 정돈데
그대는 지금 얼마나 아플지

나 그대가 아프다

Just the way you are - Bruno Mars

Oh, her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her trying
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day

Yeah, I know, I know, when I compliment her she won't believe me
And it's so, it's so, sad to think that she don't see what I see
But every time she asks me do I look ok, I say

When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are(yeah)

Her lips, her lips, I could kiss them all day if she let me
Her laugh, her laugh, she hates but I think it's so sexy
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day

Oh, you know, you know, you know, I'd never ask you to change
If perfect's what you're searching for then just stay the same
So, don't even bother asking if you look ok
You know I'll say

When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are
The way you are, the way you are
Girl you're amazing, just the way you are

When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Cause girl you're amazing, just the way you are. Yeah

-----

That's it.

Nothing else.

The only reason for the only purpose.

My goal in life

I don't want accomplishments or acquisitions or positions or actions.

I'm not trying to win or succeed or conquer.

I want to learn to totally surrender.

You light me in

Twinkling little stars from the dark sky

have sparkled a light in my heart tonight.

And a delightful spring colored wind

gently waved me good night.

Swimming

Carry nothing

Think of nothing

Just your body and the water

Just your breath and the air

Many images flash into your mind

Many feelings come into your heart

But nothing ties you up

Your body only needs water to keep on moving

Your breath only needs air to keep on going

It's just this simple

Just your body and the water

Just your breath and the air

Instantes (Jorge Luis Borges ?)

Si pudiera vivir nuevamente mi vida,
en la próxima trataría de cometer más errores.
No intentaría ser tan perfecto, me relajaría más.
Sería más tonto de lo que he sido,
de hecho tomaría muy pocas cosas con seriedad.
Sería menos higiénico.
Correría más riesgos,
haría más viajes,
contemplaría más atardeceres,
subiría más montañas, nadaría más ríos.
Iría a más lugares adonde nunca he ido,
comería más helados y menos habas,
tendría más problemas reales y menos imaginarios.

Yo fui una de esas personas que vivió sensata
y prolíficamente cada minuto de su vida;
claro que tuve momentos de alegría.
Pero si pudiera volver atrás trataría
de tener solamente buenos momentos.

Por si no lo saben, de eso está hecha la vida,
sólo de momentos; no te pierdas el ahora.

Yo era uno de esos que nunca
iban a ninguna parte sin un termómetro,
una bolsa de agua caliente,
un paraguas y un paracaídas;
si pudiera volver a vivir, viajaría más liviano.

Si pudiera volver a vivir
comenzaría a andar descalzo a principios
de la primavera
y seguiría descalzo hasta concluir el otoño.
Daría más vueltas en calesita,
contemplaría más amaneceres,
y jugaría con más niños,
si tuviera otra vez vida por delante.

Pero ya ven, tengo 85 años…
y sé que me estoy muriendo.

Servir a Cristo - Migdalia Rivera

No nací para ocupar un lugar
Ni un espacio en la esfera terrenal
Fui creada para ser un servidor
Un instrumento de servicio al Señor

No nací para obtener ni adquirir
Fui creada para dar y servir
El propósito en mi vida cumpliré
Y a mis hermanos en el reino ayudaré

Servir a Cristo, servir a Cristo
El modelo a seguir
De servicio, entrega, amor y santidad
Grande es su bondad

Por Jesucristo, por Jesucristo
Vivir sirviendo a los demás
Contribuyendo con los dones que El me da.

Time

Time heals all wounds and the deepest scars.

It explains the incomprehensible and the mysterious.

It reveals intimate secrets and the cleverest lies.

Time dulls past memories but makes real the dullest visions.

It eternalizes instants but vanishes long histories.

It revives the forgotten and forgets the arrogant.

It encourages the weak and humbles the powerful.

It covers infinite space, yet it enslaves minds and bodies.

But time is not fair and much less compassionate.

It's too fast or too slow. It's too short or too long.

It's a chance and a test. It's a luck and a disgrace.

It doesn't show mercy in moments of repentance.

It doesn't reward whatever hardwork and perseverance.

It's said to be the most precious, but in fact it's commonly wasted.

And people try to conquer though it never lets itself be managed.

It's said to be divine, and bad timing becomes an excuse for failures

while good timing is attributed to the lucky one's power.

It's not people who pursue times; it's time that comes.

It's not people who get ready for the right time; it's time that prepares.

And now time has come to me, the time I have cherished for so long.

It's telling me to stop, so that I can start.

It's telling me to leave, so that I can go.

A heritage worth leaving

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." (Rom. 8:26~28)

There is no more word I could say to what the scripture has promised me. It comforts my soul and makes into good the stupidities I have committed. It raises up the weak and the poor. It nullifies all our masterpieces and wisdoms we have proudly accumulated. It makes us all bow before the infinite and amazing grace that was given to each of us.

Nothing on this earth and beyond this universe can be explained without the Cross and nothing grand can explain the true meaning of it. A small faith is just enough. Life vanishes in an instant and legacies are useless, but faith is a heritage worth leaving to next generations.

Hilarious! Click the image.

The power of the Word

TEDxSeoul inaugural event is finished. Now I guess it's time for what I really have looked forward to: the TEDxSeoul action, an environment where diverse people share ideas, inspire one another and work together to actually change the world we live in. That's it. An idea worth spreading finds a channel through which it gets verbalized, visualized and shared with others. And pam! It is when shared that it gets really powerful, powerful enough to create new waves across nations and unite people no matter what religion, no matter what race.

I was astonished by the excitement and passion of the audience and the glowing face of each of the attendees. I was again surprised to see that there were so many people willing to realize their sacred dreams and deliver valuable changes to the world. I could feel that the six hours of the event were, in some degree, helpful to those that needed to satiate their thirst.

This morning a question popped into my head as I was waiting for my train to come. Does it feel like this when people hear the Gospel? I guess it should be even more exuberant as it concerns with life and death matters and the ultimate salvation. Then a second question came to my mind: have I seen a similar excitement and joy when talking about God recently? Then an array of unanswered questions continued flowing inside my mind.

So I stopped there. I couldn't bear the thought that my faith was not even half of a mustard seed, too weak to set fire. I stopped there because I knew it would drag me to the ocean of remorse and self-pity. So I prayed. I prayed my faith, my passion and my dreams come from God, the true origin and the final end of everything.

Useful

One of things that many people learn very fast at school is to swear. I was no exception. By the time I was a teenager, swearing became the official dialect through which my friends and I candidly communicated. So no matter how evil the purpose of an enemy was, I wasn't pretty much bothered by what he or she said. I had this great ability to pay them back with a much better eloquence.

There was a time when I did get flatly embarrassed. I heard a classmate call a person 'useless'. I was deeply hurt by what a third person had said to another third person. The word literally paralyzed my brains for five minutes, enough to meditate about the emotions it had provoked on me. It hurt me so much that I decided not to say this word to anyone. I couldn't let my perversity go that far. I definitely did not want to kill any soul.

Almost fifteen years passed and, although very rarely, I was exposed to environments where people 'had' to use this term to describe those they scored incompetent. I felt so offended that I politely asked them not to say the word. It was not out of an heroic act, but out of personal need.

I don't think this pseudo-traumatic experience influenced on my renewed life-purpose (to be useful), but I find it funny to see the somewhat coincidental relationship.

Don't worry, Be happy

Two businessmen were talking about the economy:

Jack: “I’m about to lose my job and our house is in foreclosure, but I don’t worry about it.”
Bob: “How can you not be worried?”
Jack: “I’ve hired a professional worrier. He does all my worrying for me. That way I don’t have to think about it!”
Bob: “That’s a fantastic idea. How much does it cost to hire a professional worrier?”
Jack: “$50,000 a year.”
Bob: “$50,000! Where are you going to get that kind of money?”
Jack: “I don’t know. That’s HIS worry!”

My first and longest love story

Last Sunday of October 1986.

It felt already summer in Buenos Aires.

My dad, mom, my sister and I headed to church early in that morning.

We had arrived Argentina the day earlier.

The only thing I remember is that the church had a big blue gate

in front of which I immediately started to play with my first love.

He, Pablo, was my age and had an older brother.

My sister and I used to play with them all the time.

There was nothing special about him.

Well, he was funny, but that wasn't the reason I liked him.

I liked him because I had no other alternatives.

His brother was too old for me.

One day, a new girl and her little brother came to church.

Competition started and got fierce as time passed by.

But we became instantly best friends

as she confessed me she liked Alejandro, Pablo's brother.

Pablo was too young for her.

You couldn't imagine the relief I felt.

My love towards Pablo grew but I never told him.

I wouldn't hurt my ego and be vulnerable to this stupid boy.

He was so mean to me that many times I felt deep hatred.

It sounds a cliche but he was so lovely and hateful at the same time.

His dad passed away when we were eleven.

That Sunday was the first time I saw him silent.

I didn't know what to do.

I couldn't do anything.

I just sat where he couldn't see me but I could watch him.

And prayed with my eyes open looking at him,

but I didn't know what to say in my prayer.

So I kept silent, too.

That was the only way to keep his company, I thought.

It was along that year that I realized that my crush was over.

Yeah, after five years of deep and solitary romance

I got to know that it had faded away.

I don't know the exact reason for this slow ending.

Maybe, I gave up as I realized he was very popular among girls.

Maybe it was because I found more interesting boys.

As we became teenagers, we somehow managed to be friends.

And until today, my unsuccessful first love story became my oldest and dearest friendship.

Thanks God we are just friends.

Now we can't imagine our relationship to be something else.

Our friendship turned 24 years this year,

and he and I both know it will last for much longer.

I'm happy to have him as a good friend of mine.

And I'm pretty sure he is grateful, too.

I am a good friend to him.

---------------------

Side story.

Three years ago, when I visited my family in Argentina,

I got to know that the crush had been mutual.

He confessed about his long and painful first love story like this:

I was the first girl he met in Argentina,

so he had no other choice than liking me.

It sounded very familiar, haha.

And once again I realized that

you fall in love because you just... simply... have no other choice.

What business are you in?

Mark Johnson:

"Roger, you have such a profound voice. You shouldn't be playing music here. There'll be thousands of studios wanting to work with you. What are you doing here on the streets?"

Roger Ridley:

"Man, I'm not in the music business. I'm in the JOY BUSINESS."

Biography: Roger Ridley and his music embody everything that music is : soul, perseverance, and talent. He has often been called "the voice of God" by the other street musicians on the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica, California. His dedication to his audience is clear, traveling from his home in Las Vegas, Nevada to his spot in Santa Monica every Saturday and giving his best performance before returning home that night. It was Roger's performance of Stand By Me that sent Playing for Change off on its mission to connect the world through music by adding other musicians to his recording.

- from www.playingforchange.com

An episode of future library experience

There are two main reasons I go to a college Library: I have a specific purpose of searching certain information or I just go there to read whatever it makes me feel like reading. I can do these activities at home, but I deliberately go to the library because first, I have access to a broader variety of books and second, I like sitting in a quite and intellectual atmosphere and do my work at a specific time period. But there are few things that bother me. They require me to pass through all the entrance procedures. I understand that identification checking is important, but it is something that I do not enjoy at all.

Let’s see the first case where I go there to find specific information. First, I have to look for the information I want to find either on the web or personally. In case I search for books on the web, I have to ask the librarians to look for them. Then I have to wait for them. After 30 minutes they are in my hands; I have to verify whether the information is actually the one I am looking for. If it is so, I read it and probably I want to continue searching for further information. So I go and sit in front of the computer and do the process again. If the information is not the one I needed, I go back and sit in front of the computer to do the process, as well. I have to start from zero. The computer does not keep record of my searching records, nor does it have an application such as that of Amazon where I can find other books that have relationships with a certain part I am interested in. So, in many cases, I end up being hours at the library to find too little relevant information.

It would be ultimately amazing if the library digitized all the papers it has and offers services through digital ink based screens right ad hoc. This newly radical digital convergence will certainly revolutionize the concept that most people have about libraries.

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All the references are linked to each other, so I could cross check and research much more rapidly. Once I leave the place and revisit some time later, I could trace the search record, so I do not need to go through the search labyrinth all over again.

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I do not need to physically be at the library to read the information I need. I would have access to all the information I could find at the library through a laptop on the internet. So, my library could be at home, at the Starbucks, on my way on the subway.

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The digitized library will have a research or book reading social network system, where people with similar research focus to mine or from completely different backgrounds share opinions and understanding of specific parts of the books. It will give me a collective researching and learning experience.

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Deep in our minds, we doubt whether this will actually come true. We are quite pessimistic when it comes to changing our paradigms. But, once we retrospect and see how the world has radically changed through technology innovation in the past ten years, we can surely predict a new world of library in the very near future.

L.O.V.E.

Rich people say that wealth is not important, that it's meaningless.

I say it becomes meaningless once after you have it.

That if you don't, it has such a great meaning.

Popular people say that fame only brings about loneliness.

I say that no-fame is even lonelier, that life is solitary after all.

Powerful people say that power fades away so soon,

that it betrays you much more than it praises you.

I say that's an arrogant and hypocrite comment,

an insult to the demoralized powerless common.

Great looking people say that appearance is tricky,

that a sincere inner beauty is what really counts.

Then, why are you pouring so much on your externalities

even knowing you can't ever win the flying time?

Intellectuals say that knowledge never comforts,

that it conducts you to the road of depression.

But I bet they will never trade their miserable depression

for ignorance, not even for happy ignorance.

And I say again, it's funny, really funny

that although all of them are value-free

you so firmly believe in them when you don't have them,

and that they only become meaningless once after you conquer them.

That I have to have them

to fully experience to realize their meaninglessness.

And I say again, it's stupid, really stupid

that you live your whole life in pursuit of the meaninglessness

just to validate at the end what you already know

and regret for not having what's meaningful.

You will controversially reckon your misinterpretation on life

but you won't give up the meaninglessness you so hardly got.

So you laugh at your funny life and your stupid self.

You start wondering

what transcends all this,

what has eternal meaning,

what makes your life indeed beautiful.

And you smile, just smile

because you found the truth,

the only right answer,

fair to anyone,

open and easy to all.

...

you consciously or unconsciouly choose not to know

you know you have to do something about it

but life is hard to even to satiate your greed

so, you just don't let it hurt you

you just choose to be indifferent

it's easier and comfortable

you know that's dangerous

but you close your eyes and tap your ears

pretending it doesn't exist

pretending you don't know

Design attitude

Relationships is not only among people. We relate with our surrounding environments, our trivial things, our pasts, our dreams. We relate with every single particle and abstract that exist in the whole universe. It's in this logic that we can say all problems we face are relationship problems.

I usually considered a problem something to be categorized according to my interests. The most interesting ones were classified as the most importants, and to this type of problems I would devote most of my efforts. A problem followed by a certain type of relationship would be either in this group OR in other groups. In other words, I had a static and fixed matrix in my mind where, according to specific characteristics, I would categorize problems. It worked cost effectively, time efficiently and perfectly fine for busy and efficient people like me. The concept of AND which may suggest you may encounter the same problem in differents dimensions simultaneously did not fit well in my matrix. This was the decision making process I used to take to choose among alternative solutions. Somehow, I blindly believed solutions were somewhere there; I only needed to find them out. We people naturally disregard the power of an empty mind that allows us to create and re-invent things.

One day I made a very tough decision. Actually I am still under training and still it is hard to change my habits. But well, yes. I got rid of my matrix and put an empty white paper in my mind instead. The empty space was the foundation where I could write about the new thing I come up with, draw about it, describe, erase and re-describe my relationship with it. The empty space allowed me to continuously set and reshape an ever dynamic and evolving relationship. The emptiness was indeed a judgment-free zone where I could actually see and create what was not there, what is possible. It becomes a pure art of designing, and its best tool is an empty mind, ready for seeing, doing, experiencing, creating and re-creating what is not there. It is hard to start from nothing. But it is from nothing you start creating something.

Twitter

I had registered in a Twitter account couple of months ago, but didn't really follow up. I just couldn't see the fun and joy of twitting. Today, this usually happens when you have to study for exams but end up doing things totally unrelated and unproductive, I actually started to see how it worked. I still need more time to manipulate it and experience it a bit more, but for the moment, it is quite fun. Maybe it will help me keep track record of all of my trivialities and that's a good thing. A beautiful life is basically composed of simple, sometimes boring, and trivial times and spaces.

Once again, I am deeply grateful I was born in the internet era. There is so much fun going on here. Amazing, amazing, amazing. Amazing to think that I might eventually stop writing my journals on a paper notebook. (I had thought that I would never change this particular habit.) It is likely that I replace my journals by twitting my moments.

Another surprising thing was that very but very few friends of mine twit. Or better to say, most of them don't even have an account. What should I think about this phenomenon? Is Twitter too banal for busy people like us? Or are we just out of fashion? Or are we simply getting old?

Will you marry me

It has been long time since I had visited Seoul Center of Arts. I had free tickets to Seoul National Orchestra's concert, so I stopped everything I was doing and headed there. Well, as expected, classical music was not the most entertaining, especially if you didn't know the parts that were being played. The most reasonable thing I could do was to try to entertain myself when the piece got tedious and boring. I kept my eyes on the drummers' every movement. Actually it seemed that their jobs were not that hard as one could imangine. They just simply handled the most rudimentary instruments even kids at kindergarten know how to use.

Changing the topic...

When the baritone singer was about to finish his repertoirs, people got so excited by his performance that they kept on and on applauding and asking for more songs. He, instead of doing what we all were expecting, called his girlfriend to ask her to come to the stage so that he could propose her to marry him in front of the audience. I had never expected that I would be enjoying this kind of reality and live shows. The show had got really interesting, indeed. Better was when despite his repeated calls, she didn't show up. She had left her seat to meet her fiance back stage. He had no choice but to embarrass himself and start with his encore song.

Then he left the stage and soon appeared again with his beloved one to do what he had proposed to do that night. The rest of the story is somewhat obvious. By this time, I wasn't that interested anymore. Actually, almost all the people were about to leave the place. The spontaneity and freshness of the show became instantly old.

What lesson did I learn?

Good shows as well as marriages should be held on time.

Everything is about timing.

Universe

Under the assumption that all is composed of me and what is not me, the sum of me and not-me equals universe. The universe without me is meaningless in the same way it is meaningless without not-me.

Me and not-me confront with each other in a disorderly manner. However, its product, the universe, is symmetrically in harmony. In other words, often me and not-me collide disorderly in this relationship, but since the universe is base for their existences and embraces their common ground, both compromise and convey into a balance point.

Of course, me changes all the time trying to break the status quo to find a new balance. Same happens to the not-me. This creates continuous tension within the universe. There are many ways to explode this tension: war, persuasion, extermination, compromise. Whatever it is the method, there is always a new final output.

This is the process how the universe evolves, and once me or not-me ceases to exist, it goes back to the initial point of emptyness. It is now when all becomes nothing and meaningless. Of course there is no reason for me and not-me to be lazy in the evolutionary process of the universe, even if reality says that the destiny of all is nothing. Both me and not-me should work hard for the good so that the evolution path becomes good in effect. The outcomes that are never-endingly created by tension-breaking process of the universe vanish constantly. But that's not a motivation to stop doing good. After all, the outcomes that are created need to be good while they are given their ephimeral existence.

Deeper relationships

When we're full of fear and anxiety, we don't get close to each other. We back off from each other. We're afraid of being rejected, manipulated, vulnerable, hurt, or used. All of these fears cause us to disconnect in life. This fear is as old as humanity. People have been doing that ever since creation. We're afraid, so we hide. We hide our true selves. We don't let people know what we're really like. We don't let them see the inside of us. Why? Because if we let people know what we're like and they don't like it, we're up a creek without a paddle. Tough luck. Why am I afraid to tell you who I am? Because if I tell you who I am, and you don't like me, I'm in for it. I have no alternative. So we wear masks and we pretend.

Fear does three terrible things to relationships:
1. Fear makes us defensive. We're afraid to reveal ourselves. We defend ourselves. When people point out our weaknesses, we retaliate and defend ourselves.
2. Fear keeps us distant. We don't let people get close to us. We want to withdraw, pull back. We want to hide our emotions. We don't want to be open and honest. We become defensive and distant.
3. Fear makes us demanding. Whenever we're insecure, and the more insecure we are, the more we try to control. So we try to have the last word in a relationship. We try to dominate, control. It's always a symptom of fear and insecurity.

by Rick Warren
-----------------
Whether to take a step further in the relationship or not depends on my decision. While living on earth, I am in continuous decisive moments. This time, it is critical.

He will carry you

there is no problem too big God cannot solve it

there is no mountain too tall He cannot move it

there is no storm too dark God cannot calm it

there is no sorrow too deep He cannot soothe it

if He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders

i know, my brother, that He will carry you

if He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders

i know, my sister, that He will carry you

------

i only need to empty myself,

and let Him carry me through the only path He created for me

He is my alpha and my omega

Dexter - Siniester

I am a right handed person.

And I use it most of the time, and much more than a normal person.

I have lived this way for almost 30 years.

That is why my right hand has so many wrinkles

and its fingers are much thicker.

Yes, it has deteriorated and it's my fault.

In contrast, my left hand is softer, thinner, more ladylike.

Today I bought a red manicure to brush my nails.

As predicted, my softer left hand looked better

since it was my skillful right hand that painted it.

My clumsy left hand brushed its partner,

which turned out to look like my grandmother 's old hand.

Dexter means right hand, righteousness, justice in Latin while siniester means left hand, out of the righteousness, evil, horror.

The one who is able to use both hands alternatively is called ambidexter.

Well, no way Romans could have named this person an ambisinister.

The left have been ignored, not to say depreciated, for long time.

But today, my siniester looks much more attractive.

There is nothing absolute in this world.

All things that exist on earth are just ambiguous and unclear.

Negative Marginal Learning Rate

I think I reached to a point where regardless of how much input is in my brains, there is really tiny output. In worse cases, I end up creating by-products such as weird behaviors and habits. The more time I sit and try to learn, the more tired I get. The harder I try to concentrate, the easier to get distracted. Yes, I have got to the saturation point where nothing helps but an explosion of the current status.

So, the best thing I can do when the marginal learning rate is below zero is to close my books, turn my laptop off and just go sleep or play.

Now I am getting to understand how stressful the lives of the Korean kids are. Gosh... mothers here are cruel.

Have a good night and lots of sweet dreams!

Long tail effect

Yes! Today, at last, I have finished with my MBA day time courses. It is a relief; it's been long time I hadn't had actual physical time. So, the first thing I had in mind this afternoon, which has been around for long, was to sleep until I got tired of sleeping. Ha! I just coulndn't wait for that.

Well... that was a thought I had today at 5pm when the last course ended. I was so full of expectations of finally getting to do whatever I wanted. Unfortunately, that happiness lasted 1 hour. And now, here I am, again, thinking of the next many things I have to do that I have procrastinated these past two months.

This pattern has ruled my life for many years, and honestly, I am getting tired and upset about it. The very thinking of "I will have time once I finish this." had such a long tail. Well, a never ending tail. Being busy was not an external state I had been encountering. It was a state of mind that repeatedly and cyclically influeced my lifestyle.

The only thing I hope is that this clear concept that will help me overcome my evilish pattern.

Enthusiasm is doing a lot. Passion is doing it with a purpose.

믿음

이성의 영역인 안다는 것이나 감성의 영역인 느낌다는 것으로 산다는 것은 동물적인 인생을 산다는 것을 의미한다. 영혼을 가진 인간으로서 우리는 아는 것만으로도 살 수 없으며 느낀다는 것만으로도 살 수 없다. 지식은 감성의 탄탄한 밑거름이 되며 감정은 지식을 아름답고 풍성하게 하기 때문에 삶에 있어서 반드시 필요하다. 그러나 충분한 조건은 아니다.

결국 삶의 우주적 차원을 하나의 점으로 수렴하는 믿음으로만 살아야 동물적인 존재가 아닌 영성을 가진 인간으로서의 삶을 영위할 수 있는 것이다. 신념과 믿음만이 보이지 않는 푯대를 향하여 인생을 지속적으로 드라이브 시키기 때문이다. 이성과 감성은 믿음이 이끄는 삶을 풍성하고 견고하게 만드는 꼭 필요한 요소이며 이들간의 조화는 아주 중요한 역할을 한다. 매우 이성적이어서 교만해지는 것과 매우 감정적이어서 어리석어지는 것을 조심해야 할 것이다.

무신(無信)의 삶은 희망도 꿈도 없어 불행해질 수밖에 없다.

무엇을 믿는 것도 중요하지만 믿음을 간직한 채 한걸음 한걸음 나아가는 것이 더욱 중요하다.

인생은

믿는 대로 된다.

Digital Rights

Copyright의 존재 목적은 많은 사람들이 창의적 활동을 하게 함이다. 그들의 창작물이 보호 받아야 더 창조하고자 동기부여를 받기 때문이다.

그러나 현상은,,,

Copyright를 통한 대다수의 창의력 발휘의 증가가 아닌 소수의 한 번 만들어버린 작품으로 수십년동안 돈버는 데 사용된다. 거대한 미디어 대기업들이 장악한 유통채널로 장사하기 어려우니 Copyright니 Digital Rights니, 개도국은 준법 정신이 없다느니 하면서 나서댄다.

항상 아기 걸음마식으로 사회의 변화를 따라오는 법체제를 바꾸지 못하기에 현재 시스템에 맞는 비즈니스 모델로 돈버는 애플의 아이디어는 '좋다'. 그러나 사회가 변하듯이 법체제도 변할 것이기 때문에 미디어 기업들은 현재 가지고 있는 사업방식을 고수하기 위해 변호사들을 고용하면서 권리이니 뭐니 하는 데 돈 쓰기보다는 다른 방식으로 돈벌어보고자 노력해야 할 것이다. 웹에서 태풍같이 쏟아다니는 음악과 동영상과 아이디어의 파일들을 막을 수 없는 것이 당연하다.

새로운 물결을 시원하기 타기 위하여

새로운 비즈니스 모델을 개발하지 않으면 도태될 게 뻔하다.

Web3.0은 비단 IT 기업의 몫만이 아니다.

Desire

If you have no wish, then how will you make it become real?

No option

What is before you might be big, small, important, insignificant or whatever value you put it. So, your attitude and efforts will depend on how much value you give to what is before you. But regardless of your evaluation, you should never forget that you cannot change or ignore what is given to you and that the only wise way to face it is to give your best attitude and effort.

용기

용기는 아집과 다르며 두려움으로 인한 분주함과 다르다.

알고 싶지 않은 진실을 대면할 줄 알며
보고 싶으나 필요 없는 것에 대해서는 무지하기를 선택한다.

희망 없는 것을 끝까지 붙잡고 인내하나
끝까지도 포기하고 싶지 않은 것을 내려놓을 줄도 안다.

눈에 보이는 현상에 현혹되지 않기를 결단하는 것이며
보이지 않는 진리를 믿고 순종하기를 결심하는 것이다.

그래

매일매일 연습하는 것이다.
순간순간의 승리와 실패를 반성하고
겸손하고자 노력하며 희망을 놓지 않고자 훈련하는 것이다.

끊임 없는 자기부인이며
나의 존재를 괴롭히는 에고와 교만을 버리는 것이며
이를 위해서는 인정하고 싶지 않은 벌거벗은 나의 모습을
그대로 받아드리는 고통을 감내하는 것이다.

진리는 눈에 보이는 화려한 거짓과 반대의 방향이기에
본성이 가고자 하는 길에서 발걸음을 돌릴 줄 알아야 하며
수없이 듣고 알고 있는 진리를 이젠 믿어야 하며 나아가는 것이다.

생각과 마음과 감정은 혼란스러워
괴롭고 토할 것 같은 여정을 포기하고자 하겠지만
끊임없는 훈련은 결국 단순하고 핵심이 완성되는 삶이 되는 것이다.

부끄러움

나이 들면 주름, 뱃살, 꾀, 지혜 등의 많은 것이 늘어나고
나이 들면 잠, 부끄러움, 지능 등이 줄어든다.

사우나에서 목욕하고 있는데 실수로 남자가 들어왔단다. 탕에 있는 여성들이 반응하기도 전에 그는 너무 놀란 나머지 바로 뛰쳐나갔다. 이전 같았으면 어이없어 하며 보안이니, 변태니 하면서 한참을 시끌거리며 항의했을 텐데, 오늘은 왜 이리 웃기던지. 나도 나이가 먹었나보다. 창피없는 건 아줌마의 영역만이 아니구나.

Freedom

Someone had said it before, "A truly free society is the one where people can freely choose to be nobody."

Definitely, there is no freedom in life.

Recordando a Mario Benedetti

NO TE SALVES

No te quedes inmóvil al borde del camino
no congeles el júbilo
no quieras con desgana
no te salves ahora ni nunca.
No te salves
no te llenes de calma
no reserves del mundo sólo un rincón tranquilo
no dejes caer lo párpados pesados como juicios
no te quedes sin labios
no te duermas sin sueño
no te pienses sin sangre
no te juzgues sin tiempo.

Pero si pese a todo no puedes evitarlo
y congelas el jubilo
y quieres con desgana
y te salvas ahora
y te llenas de calma
y reservas del mundo sólo un rincón tranquilo
y dejas caer los párpados pesados como juicios
y te secas sin labios
y te duermes sin sueño
y te piensas sin sangre
y te juzgas sin tiempo
y te quedas inmóvil al borde del camino
y te salvas
entonces no te quedes conmigo

인생설계에 대한 새로운 성찰

오늘 저녁 쌍강이랑 아이스크림 먹으면서 최근에 고민하고 있던 주제(인생설계)에 대한 생각을 나누었다.

난 55세~60세까지 열심히 일하고 75세~80세까지 살 거라고 생각하고 인생을 계획했었다. 그래서 퇴직 이후의 15~25년의 노후생활을 고민 없이 보내기 위해 어떻게 해야 할까 계획을 짜곤 했었다. 뭐, 그래봤자 돈 많이 벌어 놓기, 남은 생애가 보람되도록 봉사활동하기, 나의 전문지식을 사회에 환원하기, 행여나 그 전에 죽을 수도 있다라는 생각에 앞으로 생길 어린 자식들을 위하여 최소한의 배려(보험) 준비하기였다.

그러나 Outdoor 특강에서도 언급된 것과 같이 내가 만약 120세까지 살게 되면 어떻하나? 다들 공감하다시피 인생은 맘대로 되는 게 아니기에 '뜻밖에도 오래 살아버리게' 될 수도 있는 게 아닌가. 옛날과 달리 오래 살게 되는 것이 축복이 아닐 수도 있고, 인생설계에 있어서 worst case scenario가 될 수도 있다는 것이 웃기지만, 수명이 점점 길어지고 있는 현실을 보니 나의 인생설계는 구식이 돼버렸다는 것이 확신이 든다.

50세에 은퇴하고 120세까지 살면 무려 70년동안의 기간을 어떻게 보내야 하나. 50세까지의 거의 노동착취에 가까운 삶을 살면서 제2의 커리어를 준비도 못할 뿐더러 직장생활 하면서 모을 수 있는 돈 가지고는 70년을 버티지 못할 게 뻔하다. 거기서 건강까지 나빠봐라. 자식이 성공하고 돈 많이 번다고 하더라도 70년 동안의 효도는 기대하지 않은 것이 상책일 것이다.

누가 그러지 않았나. 최고를 위해 준비하고 최악에 대비하라고. (Expect for the best, prepare for the worst) 그래서 내 인생설계를 다시 한 번 점검하기로 했다.

구체적인 플랜은 좀 더 고민해야겠지만 우선 4개의 영역으로 인생설계를 하고자 한다.

1. Financial Planning: 돈. 정말 중요하다.
2. Career Planning: 자기실현 차원에서도, Income source로도 제2, 제3의 커리어는 중요한 역할을 할 것이다.
3. Leisure Planning: 나이 들어 할 수 있는 여가 활동에 대한 대비도 필요할 것 같다. 인생, 별 거 있나. 재밌게 살자.
4. Health Planning: 1을 즐겁고 보람있게, 2. 3을 별일 없이 진행하려면 건강은 기본 전제가 된다.

이 4가지 영역은 서로 상호연관성을 가지기 때문에 전략적으로 잘 짜서 시너지 효과를 내면 금상첨화라고 생각한다. 가령 여가활동이 건강 증진에 기여하고 새로운 제2의 커리어에 밑거름이 되면 좋지 않을까......

쌍강 왈 "인생설계 consultant가 필요해."
정말 이런 인생설계 consultant라는 직업이 앞으로 탄생할까? ㅎㅎ

Operación Bikini

¡Ya llega el verano!

Más práctica de líneas.

Muda

십자가

30년 인생 동안 이렇게 깊게 느끼고 깨닫지 못했다.
내 삶과 이 우주는 그리스도가 달린 십자가 하나로 설명된다는 것을.
나의 정체성이자 세계관이며, 내 인생의 기준과 생활의 방법임을.
자기 부인의 출발점이며 참된 자아의 완성임을.
십자가 때문에 모든 것이 의미가 없어지며 모든 것이 의미 있어짐을.
십자가가 바로 내가 믿는 기독교의 사명이자 전부임을.
사랑과 정의가 실현되는 구원의 유일한 길임을.

Ejercitando mi cerebro derecho

Necesito practicar...

기억

"잘못된 기억도 만들어지는 방식에 있어서는 실제 기억과 별 차이가 없다. 따라서 인간은 잘못된 기억을 안고 살아갈 수 밖에 없다. 기억의 문을 열고 첫발을 내딘 순간부터 그 안에는 수 많은 잘못된 기억들도 함께 쌓여간다. 실제 기억에서 잘못된 기억이 만들어지는 것뿐만 아니라 잘못된 기억에 기반해서 실제 기억이 만들어지기도 한다. 그 두가지는 혼재되어 우리가 기억하는 전체가 되고 결국 각자가 기억하는 자신의 삶이 된다.

앞으로 수없이 많이 기억을 하게 될 우리. 우리의 기억 속에도 진짜 기억과 가짜 기억은 혼재되어 존재하게 될 것이며 그건 어쩔 수 없는 일이다. 하지만 그렇다고 너무 안타까워할 필요 없다. 가짜든 진짜든 적어도 어떻게 기억할 것인지 즉, 우리가 우리의 기억을 어떻게 재구성하여 우리가 선택할 수 있는 몫이기 때문이다. 그 선택이 자기 자신과 자신이 사랑하는 사람들에게 행복을 가져다주길 기원해본다."

- from Wonderful Science EBS: 기억의 재구성

Morale:
긍정적으로 생각하며, 범사에 감사하고, 소망을 가지고 살자 *^^*
당분간 noir 분위기의 생각은 쉬겠습니다~

Death

Relative happyness
Subjective definitions
Partial wisdom
Biased values
Selfish love
Hypocrite justice
Democratic tyranny
Blurry truth
Fair, objective, clear, perfect death

Absolute, unknown to us, feared by all
Everything meaningless under its presence
Ultimate cause for Life once on the cross

Fear to this absolute power of death
has been bothering my inner peace the whole week
I wouldn't bear any death
Not now because I am not prepared
Not even if I were prepared
I'm just too weak to suffer loss, to bear regrests

구역질

앞뒤옆을 보지 않고 그저 무리가 가는 곳으로만 따라가다 절벽에 떨어져버리는 양떼와 인생의 방향에 대해 고민하지 않으면서 그저 남이 하는 대로 결정하고 행동하는 우리는 뭐가 다르며,

리더십의 개념이 사회적 이슈로 유행되면서 어떻게 단기간에 효율적으로 타인에게 영향을 미칠 것인가에 관심을 쏟지만, 진정 자신에 대한 리더십은 고민도 하지 않으면서 생활도, 습관도, 가치관도, 철학도 없이 살아가는 사람이 얼마나 많은가.

상대방의 마음을 얻기 위해 무수한 생각과 전략을 짜지만 진정 자신의 마음과 생각과 습관을 다스리기 위한 노력과 시간 투자에는 얼마나 게으르고 인색하며,

이기적이고, 어리석고, 거짓되며 허영심에 가득찬 자신과 싸우는 이 전쟁을 타협해버리는 것과 끝까지 버티고자 하는 의지 사이에 우왕자왕하여 이러지도 못하고 저러지도 못하는 것이 뜨겁지도 차갑지도 않아 결국 구역질을 야기해 토해 버려지는 존재와 뭐가 다른가.

그러나,

뜨겁든 차갑든 미지근하든, 이기적이든 이타적이든, 진실되든 거짓되든, 지혜롭든 어리석든, 이러쿵 저러쿵 소위 귀하다고, 하찮다고 일컬어지는 삶들이 죽음 앞에서 서로 뭐가 그리 다르겠는가.

Grandfather

자손후대를 위하여 7대 소원하는 기도문


1. 여호와를 경외하며 그도에 행하는 자손들이 되게 하여 주시옵소서. (시128:1~6)
여호와를 경외하며 그도에 행하는 자마다 복이 있도다.네가 네 손이 수고한 대로 먹을 것이라 네가 복되고 형통하리로다. 네 집 내실에 있는 네 아내는 결실한 포도나무 같으며 네 상에 둘린 자식은 어린 감람나무 같으리로다. 여호와를 경외하는 자는 이같이 복을 얻으리로다. 여호와께서 시온에서 네게 복을 주실지어다 너는 평생 에 예루살렘의 복을 보며 네 자식의 자식을 볼지어다 이스라엘에게 평강이 있을지로다

2. 예수님을 전적으로 믿고 사는 자손들이 되게 하여 주시옵소서.(행16:31/요11:25~27)
가로되 주 예수를 믿으라 그리하면 너와 네 집이 구원을 얻으리라 하고

예수께서 가라사대 나는 부활이요 생명이니 나를 믿는 자는 죽어도 살겠고 무릇 살아서 나를 믿는 자는 영원히 죽지 아니하리니 이것을 네가 믿느냐 가로되 주여 그러하외다 주는 그리스도시요 세상에 오시는 하나님의 아들이신 줄 내가 믿나이다

3. 예수님을 가정에 모시고 사는 자손들이 되게 하여 주시옵소서.(요15:7)
너희가 내 안에 거하고 내 말이 너희 안에 거하면 무엇이든지 원하는 대로 구하라 그리하면 이루리라

4. 예수님을 배우고 예수님을 닮는 자손들이 되게 하여 주시옵소서.(마11:29)
나는 마음이 온유하고 겸손하니 나의 멍에를 메고 내게 배우라 그러면 너희 마음이 쉼을 얻으리니

5. 하늘에 계신 내 아버지 뜻대로 행하는 자손들이 되게 하여 주시옵소서.(마7:21)
나더러 주여 주여 하는 자마다 천국에 다 들어갈 것이 아니요 다만 하늘에 계신 내 아버지의 뜻대로 행하는 자라야 들어가리라

6. 성령의 열매를 많이 맺고 사는 자손들이 되게 하여 주시옵소서.(갈5:22~24)
오직 성령의 열매는 사랑과 희락과 화평과 오래 참음과 자비와 양선과 충성과 온유와 절제니 이 같은 것을 금지할 법이 없느니라 그리스도 예수의 사람은 그 정과 욕심을 십자가에 못 박았느니라

7. 예수님 다시 오실때 다 들려 올라가는 자손들이 되게 하여 주시옵소서.(살전4:16~17)
주께서 호령과 천사장의 소리와 하나님의 나팔로 친히 하늘로 좇아 강림하시리니 그리스도 안에서 죽은 자들이 먼저 일어나고 그 후에 우리 살아 남은 자도 저희와 함께 구름 속으로 끌어올려 공중에서 주를 영접하게 하시리니 그리하여 우리가 항상 주와 함께 있으리라